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There's a number of precautions the submissive (especially one new to the Lifestyle) should follow for 1st time meetings - these are a summary of points from the following discussion:

• Should try for a daytime meeting - because the first meeting should be "to get acquainted - no play"
• Should always be in a public place
• Should arrive from 15-30 minutes earlier than the time agreed on by the Dom (so he cannot see her arrive and know what car she came in)
• Should - if possible - have a friend come with you, who can sit and observe from a discreet distance away
• If the sub doesn't have someone with her - should arrange for “check in” phone calls at 3 pre-determined times to a friend
• Should NEVER EVER leave the meeting place with the Dom - but should watch him get into his car and drive off before she leaves

• Dom#1:  should have a pic of him first I would think
• kitte:   yes - also any real data possible - name, address, phone, license # - and those should be given to a trusted friend, by the sub
• Dom#2:  keep in mind too that a legitimate caring Dom will want you to be comfortable and will not object to doing those things necessary to provide reassurance.
• kitte:   I once had a sub say that the Dom she was talking to wouldn't do any of the things mentioned above - I warned her to stay away from him completely - that he was not a true Dom and was dangerous
• Dom#2:  a jerk will try to hide behind stereotypes and BS. Dont buy it
• Dom#3:  I think it is even harder with a D/s relationship as you have to trust your D/s partner completley before you can procede
• sub#1:  what amazes me is how many so-called doms want you to "submit" to them online when you don't know them well at all, so how on earth can you trust them that much?
• kitte:  Now, sub#2, let's go over the precautions you are going to take next time - if it doesn't bother you for us to discuss it...
• sub#2:  ok, kitte
• kitte:  ok :)  First - get to know the Dom online, then on phone (if possible) for at least a couple of months before even considering a realtime meeting  (mind you these are just our thoughts and you can pitch any you don't like - but please consider them carefully first)
• sub#2:  of course
• sub#3:  and the Dom/me needs to know that a friend of the sub has the details, too!
• Dom#6:  agreed!
• sub#4:  most definitely, sub#3  :)
• kitte:  When you do agree to a meeting setup as many safeguards as possible
• sub#2:  which sub#3 suggested
• kitte:  1)  take someone with you - have them sit in a different part of the restaurant - the Dom doesn't even need to know you're together because you will go there at least 15-30 minutes ahead of the scheduled meeting time
• sub#2  nods
• sub#3:  thankfully, i have such a friend
• Dom#4  will remember to look for "kitte-like plants" next time he does this  :-)
• sub#2:  lol
• kitte:  2)  daytime meetings for "getting-to-know-you" discussions are far less volatile than evening meetings
• Dom#4:  takes notes
• kitte:  3)  if you do not have a friend with you - arrange times for at least 3 calls to a friend you know will be home - at irregular times - do NOT tell the Dom what the times are - just tell him you have arranged checkin calls - and if your friend does not hear from you at those times, he/she will be calling the police
• Dom#4:  But let the Dom know that you ARE calling...
• kitte:  yes, Dom#4, Sir - sorry, I should have mentioned that....
• Dom#1:  a sub should have a code for the phone call so if the Dom/me is present they don't really know what is happening/being said
• sub#4:  very good point, Dom#1, Sir  :)
• kitte:  I agree Dom#1, Sir - good point
• Dom#7:  safe word for the phone call is vital, i agree, to let the friend know either way
• Dom#6:  While I agree, kitte, I do so with deep regret
• kitte:  4)  you want as much reallife info as possible before the meeting - name, address, phone, car type, car license, etc. - which your friend should have a full copy of - and which you should verify as much as you can... call information about the phone # for example
• Dom#4:  And when you first meet him, get his license plate number and read it over the phone to a friend, from a public place
• kitte  agrees again with Dom#4, Sir
• Dom#4:  And let him see you do it...
• kitte  nods
• sub#2  listens
• kitte:  Your friend should also have your full description, what you're wearing, car type, color and license number
• kitte:  5)  During the meeting, if things start to get out of hand - do not take your car - call a taxi and go immediately to a friend's place or to the police station, if necessary
• Dom#6:  I'm old fashioned enough to see that as valid
• Dom#6:  You are suggesting that the meeting is in a public place....right?
• kitte  nods
• kitte:  6)  Even if you feel the meeting has gone well, when the meeting ends at the pre-agreed-on time, have the Dom leave first - do NOT EVER walk out into the parking lot with him - watch him get into his car and drive away - before you even think of going out to your car
• sub#3:  the same rules make sense for any meeting, BDSM or otherwise
• kitte:  7)  When you do get home, you should call your friend to let her know that you are home safe... if she does not get this last call by a certain time, she should be calling the police to report the situation to them
• sub#3:  it's sad that people have to go to such lengths, but necessary
• sub#4:  very true...the world is not always a friendly place :(
• Dom#6:  Yea, you see all kinds of reasons
• Dom#4:  And, sub#2... if he gives you any static about these things, like tries to talk you out of them, that should be an IMMEDIATE DANGER signal...
• kitte:  I agree 1000% with that, Dom#4, Sir
• Dom#4:  If he says, "I hoped you trusted me more".... watch out!
• kitte:  If the Dom is truly interested in developing a relationship with you, he will want you to feel totally safe, he will understand completely.  Also, if a Dom is interested in developing a relationship he will not hurry you or press you in anyway - he will be tolerant and patient - wanting the level of trust to be clear and solid between you
• Dom#4:  A real Dom is as concerned for your safety as you are... even more, because he is responsible... and He will understand, and insist on these things.
• kitte  smiles and nods
• kitte:  only GAMEPLAYERS will try to "talk you into playing" or "getting in the sack" right away - RUN don't walk away from that type
• kitte:  Lifestylers believe in the beauty and value of our lifestyle... they are not HNGs (Horney Net Geeks)
• sub#2:  i feel sorry for the woman he is with at this time...[note: referring to the so-called Dom that she had a bad experience with]
• kitte:  Can you think of anything I missed, Dom#4, Sir?
• sub#2:  because he's probably doing the same things with her.. and it really bothered me that he pressed me for a hard limit
• kitte:  oh sub#2.... it's idiots like that - who give all of us in the Life a bad name and terrible image...
• kitte:  sub#2, hon, please save and printout what we've discussed here - so you can refer to it...
• sub#2:  yes, kitte
• kitte  wants all submissives in the world to be safe, to find what she's found, and to live happily in our Lifestyle...
• kitte:  sub#2, as far as having a friend along - or checking in with a friend - you don't need to tell your friend about your lifestyle - just that you are going on a blind-date and want to feel safer
• sub#2:  yes, that's true
• kitte:  That way you won't skip over those precautions
• sub#6:  but what if you do not have a friend that can do that for you???
• kitte:  any friend can do that for you, sub#6, it doesn't need to be a close friend
• sub#6:  not one of mine :(
• kitte:  You don't need to tell them that it is a BDSM relationship - just a blinddate, that some friends set up for you - and that you want to take some extra safety precautions
• sub#2:  and what if i were to meet Dom#5.. as for him, i've trusted him for weeks now and i would not want to wait to meet months ahead of now... i would still go thru the same precautions?
• kitte  smiles and nods.... yes, still follow the same precautions :)
• kitte:  For 1st time - realtime meetings - always stick to the same general precautions - NEVER play on the 1st or 2nd meeting - there's no rush if you're trying to develop a sincere relationship between you... and ALWAYS practice Safe Sex, if/when you do go further
• sub#2:  nods
• kitte:  The sub we spoke with today is lucky she was only hurt slightly - she could have been killed because she allowed a smooth talking so-called Dom to pressure her into a situation she couldn't handle
• Dom#8:  yes u r right
• sub#3:  it's why i prefer public play
• Dom#6:  and a lot of wannabees
• sub#5:  I love to see the maturity here. i hope you don't mind if i watch and learn
• sub#4:  smiles at sub#5...sit and be comfortable while you observe and learn, my friend :)
• Dom#1:  the main thing about this lifestyle on first time meetings is it brings out the abuser
• sub#5:  i guess i should feel lucky my wife is my Domme and i trust her.
• kitte:  There is no need to rush a BDSM relationship... if it is good it can last forever - it is worth taking the time to find the right submissive and to find the right Dominant. True BDSM relationships do NOT happen quickly - they are a million times deeper than any vanilla relationships, so worth the effort and wait to find the right one.  You can be sure you will ALWAYS get hurt if you try to rush it...
• sub#2:  sometimes i feel like there's not enough time in the world
• kitte:  Because so many people are interested in instant physical gratification - they run the risk of cheating themselves of everything. The trust, the mental control has to come FIRST
• sub#2:  that i need to follow a checklist of things to get over with
• kitte:  hon, I waited for over 25 years to find my Master... but I now have all that I spent my life searching for... I'm not saying it will take you that long - because it took me 20 years just to find the BDSM community  :)  and then it took me a long time, and talking with over 500 Doms to find the one that I knew was my exact counterpart...
• kitte:  But ending up with the BEST for me, was definitely worth the wait... I have everything I ever dreamed of -  times 10,000
• sub#2   :)
• kitte:  so it depends on what you are looking for... and how badly you want it - don't give up your standards - spend the time you're waiting studying, learning, talking - becoming the best sub you can possibly be   :)
• kitte:  study hard, learn how you can become a true Lifestyle submissive and not a gameplayer, who will only end up being tossed around from one Dom-wannabe to another, like a baseball...
• sub#2:  never liked to watch sports..
• kitte:  hehehe - me neither
• kitte:  On a final more serious note, i ask all submissives to consider that they are not only risking an unpleasant experience  (if they rush past the precautions to be with a Dominant)  they are risking being emotionally and physically hurt, crippled, or worse --  many things which could prevent them from ever entering into a loving Lifestyle relationship with the "right" Dominant in the future.
• kitte:  If you don't already have one, please locate an experienced Lifestyle Dominant - preferably a True Master, as a Mentor.  If the Life is truly for you, there is unbelievable happiness in your future, but you may need a Guide to find it.