Beginning a love relationship in the 19th century was much more challenging than it is today.
In Victorian times, much more etiquette was called for.
A great place to meet potential partners was at a social function such as a church supper or holiday ball.
Yet even here, rules were the name of the game.


The Rules

Just because a gentleman had been
introduced to a lady for the purpose of
dancing did not mean that he could assume
to speak to her at another time or place.
This would be improper! If a gentleman met
a lady he wished to become better acquainted
with, he was to make subtle inquiries to
find a mutual friend who could introduce him.
One thing that was permitted at social events was flirting. Subtle flirting techniques including using various personal accessories such as fans, parasols and gloves to convey messages of interest or disinterest. Once formally introduced, a gentleman could offer to walk a young lady home by presenting her with a card that asked if he could be her escort. The woman could then weigh her offers and present her own card to the gentleman she liked best.


Victorian dates were almost always
supervised in some way. A woman was never
to go anywhere alone with a gentleman without
her mother's permission. A woman was never
to go out with a gentleman late at night. In
fact, it was considered extremely impolite for a
gentleman to stay late at a woman's home.A
gentleman could only call on a lady with her
permission. When saying good night, the girl
was never to go farther than the parlor door,
instead, a servant would see her suitor out.


One of the most romantic aspects of a Victorian courtship was the written word. Not only did women keep a diary of the courtship,
but both partners exchanged romantic letters.
They also exchanged lockets, antique coins, portraits,
poems, sketches and locks of hair.
The following actions were considered extremely rude
in the presence of company; crossing the legs, adjusting your hair, winking your eyes, laughing immoderately, beating time with your feet and and hands, rubbing your face or hands, shrugging up your shoulders,
placing your hand upon the person with
whom you are conversing,looking steadily at one, and so on.


Old Suitability Rules

Those with gray, blue, black or hazel eyes should not marry those of the same color.
Where the color is pronounced, the union should be with those of a decidedly different color.

Those with thin, wiry, cold blooded, prominent features should marry round- featured, warm hearted and emotional types. The cool will unite the warmth.

Those with bright red hair and a florid complexion have an excitable temperment and should marry those with jet-black hair or a brunette.

The very fined hair, soft and delicate should not marry those like themselves.

The curly-haired should unite with those that have smooth straight hair.

The extremely irritable, nervous person should unite with the sympathetic, slow and quiet type. This way, the excitable will be quieted by the gentleness of the other.

The quick -motioned, rapid speaking person should marry the calm and deliberate type.

The warmly impulsive should unite with the stoical.

Those who don't fit into specific categories (not short nor tall, not brunette nor blond) who are more of an average type, may marry those who are similar in form to themselves.


True Love

love is a sacred flame
That burns eternally,
And none can dim its special glow
Or change its destiny.
True love speaks in tender tones
And hears with gentle ear,
True love gives with open heart
And true love conquers fear.
True love makes no harsh demands
It neither rules nor binds,
And true love holds with gentle hands
The hearts that it entwines.







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Anthea © "Essence Of Victorian"