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And Jesus went a little farther,
and fell on His
face and prayed, saying, O my father, if it be
possible, let this cup pass from me.
St. Matthew 26:39.
When
Grace was pregnant, her mother told her about the specialty of giving birth.
"A child is the most precious gift a woman can ever possess." She had said. "You spend nine months going through extreme moods, cravings, eating binges, bloating, pain and extra pounds, then you give birth to this beautiful being that is your flesh and blood. You just melt with admiration." She sighed, wonder in her eyes. "But it does not stop there. You are responsible for raising this child in a proper manner. This child is your responsibility which is not an easy task. All your life when raising this child seems an impossible task, and it will seem that way, think back to that special moment when you gave birth to it. Think back to how fragile and innocent it looked."
Grace never forgot those words. Not even long after her mother had died. She raised her daughter, Beth the best possible way a mother could raise a child. She taught her to love, to care, to appreciate and understand human life. These were qualities her mother instilled in her. She hoped her daughter would take to them too.
Beth turned out better than Grace had envisioned. She was courteous, respectful, kind and very brilliant, always on top of her class. She was also very healthy for she took good care of herself. She excelled in sports the same way she did in the classroom. Grace was very proud.
At age twenty-one, one year after graduation and into a marketing job and marriage, Beth was four months pregnant and in the prime of her life. One day, at an aerobics class, she fell down in a faint. After the nurse on the premises found out that it was not from mere exhaustion, Beth was rushed to the emergency room of a nearby hospital.
When Grace arrived at the hospital, Beth had intravenous tubes stuck in her arms and an oxygen tube in her nose. Electrocardiograms were being taken.
"Will somebody please tell me what's going on?" Grace asked trembling with fear.
"I'll get the doctor," A nurse told her. "In the meantime, why don't you have a seat.
Grace took several deep breaths then sat down in a chair. There must be something seriously wrong with Beth. All those tubes and machines.
"I'm afraid this is not something simple." The doctor told her after leading her to a small waiting room. "The heart normally takes in deoxygenated blood and pumps out oxygenated blood which is then distributed throughout the body. With our daughter, it is pumping out deoxygenated blood."
"What does that mean?" Grace could barely breathe from fright.
"It means there is a hole in her heart that is causing the mixing of pure and impure blood."
"What can you do about it, doctor?" She asked.
"I'm afraid we have to operate."
"Heart surgery?" Grace's voice cracked. "She's just a baby."
"We do not have an alternative, I'm afraid. Most likely we just have to patch up a small portion of the heart. It shouldn't be a problem." The doctor assured her.
"You sound as though its tonsils," Grace said. "You're talking about cutting her heart open, doctor. Once it's opened it'll never be the same. It will be like those bypasses, you know, double, triple, quadruple, it's a never-ending trail."
"This is different. You daughter is not having a heart attack due to the clogging of vessels by fatty tissue. This is not the first time we've had a patient with a hole in their heart. Sometimes these holes have been there for years without causing any problems because they were too small. Then they start expanding and that spells major trouble."
"Okay. I suppose operating is the only way to go. I'm just worried, that's all. What about her condition? I mean she's pregnant."
"The baby will be fine as long as we keep your daughter stable."
Beth looked weak but her eyes brightened when her mother walked into the room.
"Everything is gonna be fine, dear," Grace said trying hard to control the quiver in her voice.
"What's wrong with me, Mom?" Beth was frightened.
"There's a problem with your heart, dear. You need an operation."
"Oh, Mom. What did I do?"
"Nothing, Beth. Nothing. They think it's probably a hole that has been there for a long time. The doctor says the operation wont take long."
"I'm scared, mom. What am I gonna do?" Tears welled in her eyes.
"You'll be okay, Beth. It's alright to be scared but you gotta be strong for yourself. You have faith in God. He'll be with you all the way and I'll be waiting right here for you when you're done."
"Hold me, Mom. Please hold me," Beth pleaded. Grace, tears running down her cheeks, hugged her daughter. "Where's Mark?" Beth asked.
"I called him a moment ago. He should be here in a little bit." Mark was Beth's husband.
"What about my baby?" Beth asked caressing her distended belly. "Is my baby going to be okay."
"The doctor said it will be. Just relax, honey. You'll be fine," Grace assured her but she, too, was worried.
Beth was in surgery for four hours while Grace and Mark paced, drank coffee and asked each other questions they could not answer. What if something was really wrong? What if the hole was irreparable? Grace could not stand losing Beth. Not her baby. Finally the doctor came out and Grace knew right away that he did not have good news.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
"It is worse than we thought..."
"Oh, my God," Grace interrupted him.
"The hole is much larger than we had expected. We can't fix it. The muscles around it are weak. We tried to patch it up but that would only be a temporary repair. Soon it would open up again or it just wouldn't be strong enough to work right. Leaving it in there would put your daughter in jeopardy. We have and placed her on an artificial cardiovascular pump until we get a donor"
"A... A heart donor?" Grace's voice was weak.
"Yes, ma'am. Unlike other organs, heart donors are hard to come by for several reasons. First, it's hard to get a match. Second, the donor has to be on the brink of death. third, there is a long waiting list."
"I don't think I can handle this anymore. This morning, Beth was healthy. Now she does not have a heart. What am I gonna do?"
"Pray and hope that we can get a donor soon. She's going to be transferred to the intensive care unit. You can accompany her there."
Beth was just recovering from the anesthesia so grace did not talk to her. Afterwards, grace went to the hospital chapel and prayed. She needed strength to keep her sanity. There was a distinct probability that Beth could die. The doctor said that there was a long waiting list. Beth could not live on that machine for long. Especially when she was pregnant. Why was this happening to her? It is not as though she and her daughter were bad people. Beth was all she had. Her parents were gone. So was her husband who had died ten years ago. She had no family. Beth meant everything to her.
The following day, she got a chance to talk to Beth.
"The doctor told me that
I need a heart transplant." Beth spoke hoarsely.
"I'm so afraid, Mom."
"Be strong, baby. Everything will be fine. They will find a donor."
"I hope so. I don't wanna die, Mom. Not when I'm expecting a baby."
"Don't say that, Beth," Grace fought back tears. "You're not going to die."
"Can I talk to Mark?"
"Sure." Grace needed to get out of there for a moment.
Mark and Beth had been dating since they were college freshmen. They got engaged right after graduation and got married as soon as both had settled down on jobs. They were lovers and best friends. Grace was glad that Beth had found herself a man as good as Mark. he was like the son she never had.
Mark walked into the room and was overcome with emotion at the sight of his beloved wife under the tubes and machines. He rushed in and carefully embraced her, tears burning down his cheeks.
"This can't be happening," he whispered.
"We'll be fine." Beth was the assuring one. "Surely God can't let me and the baby die. You know what's awful? I never hurt anybody all my life but lately I've been wishing someone would get into a fatal accident just so I can get a heart."
Mark relaxed a bit.
"That's okay. We've got to have some faith, baby."
"Faith is what's keeping me sane, honey. I believe that help will come. I believe that my baby and I will survive this ordeal."
"I love you, Beth," he whispered.
"I love you too, honey." Beth was having problems breathing so the nurse asked Mark to leave. He kissed her lightly and walked out backwards.
Two weeks went by without a sign of a donor. Beth's health deteriorated. Grace was sick with worry. She lost weight because she could not hold much food down due to vomiting. One night she had a dream that changed everything. In the dream she was nailed to a cross. She hang there in pain while Beth and her baby fell under the cross and wept.
"Don't cry for me, my children," she spoke from the cross. "For only through my death will you live." When she woke up, she knew exactly what to do. The dream, she believed, was a message from God. Christ had sacrificed himself for humankind. She was going to sacrifice herself for her daughter and grandchild. How could she stand by and watch her only child die when she had a compatible heart?
At first Grace was frightened. She was going to die and leave her daughter and friends forever. How did it feel to die? But she prayed and gained strength. It was hard for Jesus too but He was brave. Sure He was a God but he was human when he lived on earth in a man's body. He felt love, anger, pleasure and pain just like any human. He felt it was a noble act, His duty to die for humanity. He did not have a choice. Neither did Grace.
She talked to the doctor who had operated on Beth telling him that she would trade places with her daughter; give Beth her heart then go on a heart machine and wait for a donor. The doctor would not go for it.
"It is unethical for us to put you in jeopardy in order to save another person's live. You could die if we can't get a donor then we'll be charged with murder."
"It's not a matter of killing, doctor," Grace defended herself. "It's a matter of saving lives. If you do not give my heart to Beth, you are deliberately killing her and her unborn child. Come on, I'm not asking for a bullet to the head. I have lived long enough to have experienced what any human being would want from life. I offer my life to my children because it is my right to raise them and do whatever is necessary to keep them alive. Supposing I was in my home with my daughter and a robber broke in and aimed a gun at her. Don't you think I would step in harm’s way if that would help my daughter get out alive? I wouldn't hesitate. That is how much I love her and why I am doing this for her. You don't even know if I'll die. I might get a donor in time. Please."
"I have to talk to the board of directors but I highly doubt it will do any good. Things just don't work that way."
"This doesn't have to get out if you're thinking of bad publicity. You could say a vein broke in my brain or that I was involved in an accident or something."
"No, no, no. Lying would only add to the problem. Anyway, I'll try my best. I have children too, but I doubt I could ever have the courage to do what you want to do. You are a very brave woman." The doctor smiled at her.
"It's a sacrifice, doctor. The greatest one a human being could ever make."
After that, Grace went
and told Beth about her plan.
"I can't let you go on this
machine for me. What if they can't find a donor? I don't wanna
lose you, Mom." She whispered.
"Beth, you and I have had great times together. It's not like we've been together for a couple of years. You have plenty of great memories of our lives together. I have given this a lot of thought and gone through a lot to get to this point. I know the pleasure of giving birth and raising a child. It's the greatest gift a woman could ever have. I don't want to deprive you of that opportunity. Someday you will understand all this." She held her daughter's feeble hand.
"I guess there's no way of
talking you out of this, is there?"
None whatsoever."
"Oh, Mom. I don't want to die but I don't want to lose you either."
"I'm not dying, baby. And even if I did, I will always be in your chest beating for you, giving you life."
"Thank you, mother." A tear slowly flowed down Beth's cheek.
The board would not go for it. Grace had asked for the impossible.
"I'm very sorry." The doctor told her.
"That is okay, doctor.
Where there's a will there's a way."
That night, Grace found
a way. She prayed before going to sleep.
"Lord, I know you approve of what I'm about to do. If this is wrong then I beg for your forgiveness. If what I'm about to do is wrong then I do not know what is right. Please lead me through it with your blessing. Now I know how you felt when you went down into Jerusalem. I'm afraid but I have courage because I know you were afraid too but found the courage to sacrifice yourself for us. Please guide me with your blessed hand."
The next morning Grace went to see her daughter. She held her hand and they prayed together. She told her she loved her very much. She then walked outside the hospital, got into her car and drove away. A few minutes later she drove back at high speed. She drove straight into a pillar. When they got her into the operating room, her head was smashed beyond repair. A note that had remained clutched in her right hand even after the accident simply read: Give my heart to my daughter. They obliged.
Beth came through the operation healthy as ever. Later that year, she gave birth to a baby girl whom she named Grace. When little Grace was born, Beth held her against her chest and urged:
"Listen. Listen to your grandma beating with joy."
Every Sunday, she visited her mother's grave with flowers. One day she broke down in tears as Mark held her in his arms.
"You know what I think about, honey? I think of the times I got angry at her. When I wanted to go out with my friends and she wanted me to help around the house. When I wanted a new dress and she couldn't afford it. When she forced me to eat my vegetables. I think about that. How am I supposed to feel about someone who loved me so much that she gave up her life for me?"
"Just be thankful, baby. Just be thankful."
"Oh, what I would give for a day with her, Mark. What I would give just to spend a day with my mother talking, taking walks, cooking, shopping and just sitting down snuggling and feeling safe in her arms. I would give anything for that."
Her mother's heart raced in her chest.
Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection
and the life; he
that believeth in me, though
he were dead yet he shall live.
St. John 11;25
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