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PANDORA'S
PLIGHT
by Heidi
Vandoran
Sources indicate that the
culprit responsible for the "Bean Panic" is Pandora
Hunt, high school girl and self proclaimed "rock
star goddess." "Pandora has always been ...ah,
difficult. A real juvenile delinquent,," says
Pandora's principal, "She goes from one disaster to
the next without looking back or worrying about the
consequences. When it comes to personality flaws
Pandora has got more than her share."
Evidentially Pandora's
flaws lead to disaster when her father, the famous
botanist Henry Hunt, trusted her to guard a jar of
beans and a strange-looking bean sprout. "Whatever
you do, do NOT open the jar," her father instructed
her. "He might as well have told the sun not to
shine, the birds not to sing, or Richard Simmons
not to shake his booty," said Officer John,
recalling Pandora's earlier transgressions.
Needless to say, the jar
was opened, the beans escaped and pandemonium
ensued. And like out of some tragic Greek myth,
things have gotten really ugly.
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Mug shot of Pandora taken
in 1986
Pandora's "friend" Bob was
avaliable for comment. "I suppose Pandora has
botched up," said Bob, "That's nothing new. I have
little faith in the redemption of humanity (and
Pandora), however this time Pandora seem to be
doing something about her mistake. I mean other
than whinning and complaining." Speculations that
Pandora has taken responsibility are unfounded at
this time.
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