Advertisements - "The taste buds are on thetop of your’ tongue, so turn your bread upside-down" "Rita the Eta Eater""Give us a bit of that Oz Country Split" "I know everything I need to knowcoz...." Remember Eric Planensec" "Its got the flavour, that’s taking meall round the world" "My juice is fruity, I can taste it" 

"Twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesonionsonasesamaeseedbun""up up and away flying T.A.A" "Avagoodweekend Mr Walker" "Grande Sale GrandeSale Grande Sale" "Egg em’ on" "feed a man meat" "Gotta get some hot stuff""I want my MR MATEY" 

Aussie Pizzas - Okay, they still exist but they are so80’s. Why a Pizza with an egg on it is called an Aussie Pizza I don’t know.They usually have bacon on them too. I don’t know anyone who has ever boughtone.[RF] 

Aerobee - state of the art frisbee thats major sellingpoint was that the World Aerobee Champion could scale the MCG grandstand.[TH] 

Asphalt - many good times were had on asphalt. Tunnelball, cross-ball, Newcome, rounders, kick-ball. I vividly remember theexcitement around the school when new asphalt was laid. Kids used to comeback after school with their rollerskates to test it out. Asphalt was excellentfor providing knee grazes to impress the girls with.[RF] 

Assemblies - the coolest thing about school assemblieswas singing the school song or national anthem because you could be naughtyby either miming or singing so loudly everyone noticed. I once put a batteryin my mouth during assembly and got a nasty shock. [RF] 
 

Big M - if there was one thing worth looking forward toeach summer, it was the new Big M flavour. In the early 80’s there wasflavours like Blueberry, Banana, Egg Flip (they should have called thisthe Aussie Big M), caramel and lime. Then came the mixed flavours likeChockberry, Jaffa, Chockmint, Chockanana. Someone told me that Big M outsoldCoke in the early 80’s. My dream was for Banana to become an all-year-roundflavour. In those days when Big M was huge there were Big M vans that usedto drive around to the footy and cricket selling Big M’s and pies. Whenwe had our school sports day the smelly kid used to bring an esky fullof Big Ms because her dad owned a Big M van. We had to "spray" them toget off the germs. Other cool Big M stuff. Scratch and sniff stickers,Big M hoola hoops, Big M calendars, and Big M cereal. My sister and I convincedmy mum to buy the stuff twice. After you ate all the little chocolate M’sthe milk tasted just like the real stuff. (or at least we thought it did). 

Biscuits - Vita wheat with vegemite worms, tick-tocks,Kingston...... but the most important was Salada. Me and my sister usedto "play" Saladas by starting off at Mansize and working our way throughSnack size and Bite size. It was also fun to lick off all the salt. Arnottsassortment was the Rolls Royce of the biscuit world. (Monte Carlo soundsposh). I was always suspicious of kids who came around to your’ house andasked if you had any chocolate biscuits.[RF] 

Baby Bell Cheese - the marketers didn’t know what theywere on to when they wrapped their crappy cheese in wax. Kids used to throwaway the cheese and make stuff with the wax. 

BMX - After the BMX craze took off local councils startedbuilding BMX tracks. Most lasted for about 2 years before they were turnedinto carparks. My track is now part of the SE Freeway. [TH] The BMX Banditsmovie wasn’t very good. 

Chips - Chickadees, Chicken Cackles, UFO’s, Monster Munch,Burger Rings, Samboy Gold, Toobs, Hot and Spicy Cheezels, Fonzies, Pacmen,French Chips. 

If you rubbed the Samboy Gold packet against your’ handthe gold stuff game off on your skin. Some girls at school had a kind ofJeanie club based around the gold off the packets. 

Kids used to breathe in deeply with Salt and Vinegar chipsin their mouths. This made you cough. 

My friends name at school was Burgoyne so his nicknameat school was Burger Rings. 

Twisties packets could be put in the oven and shrunk.Kids made key rings out of them. 

French Chips were popular with scummy kids. A good scummykid could go a winter on one pack. Scummy kids went on to become accountants. 

Camp - all school camps could be characterised by fourevents: a group of girls getting spooked by a seance, at least one kidpissing a bed, someone throwing up on the bus and getting meatloaf fordinner. I remember one kid threw up an entire bag of strawberry and creamson the bus. [RF] 

City Square - the city square was worthwhile when it hadthe Yellow Peril. (that big yellow abstract sculpture) To an 8 year oldmind it was quite fascinating. On one memorable school excursion we stoppedoff at the city square. And we all crowded around it saying "What is it?" It had its more than fair share of criticism but I bet you couldn’tfind one kid who thought it was ugly. The city square also had a "graffiti"wall where the kids could get their ideas and artistic expressions outin a legal, meaningful way. I wrote "HI !" on it. [RF] 

Chewing Gum - Dandy Gum, Metro Gum, Squirt, Big Red, BigCharlie. The chewing gum in footy cards was "sort of in this flour stuff"[TH] 

Clothes - Fingerless gloves, cinch belts, pastels, glitterglue, A-ha bracelets, Shark Attack T-shirts, Grolsh bottle tops on DocMartens (Bros influenced), Japanese clothing, Arnold Ross jumpers, flurosocks, leg warmers, moon boots, ugg boots........ 

Cordial - the best flavour was Kola, made by Kiora. Supermarketsused to have cordials in Fred Flinstone shaped plastic containers. Mumwould never let me get one.[RF] I used to think they were for poor kidswho couldn’t afford Coke. [CB]. Also mum would never let me get a cordialout of one of those cordial machines out the front of the supermarket."You can have some cordial just the same when you get home". But at homethe cordial didn’t come out of that cool fountain. Girls usually likedred cordials and guys usually liked green cordials.[RF] 

Dial a Dinos - when Dial a Dinos came out it was reallynew concept. A pizza chain that delivers to your house ! - with a pizzaboy dressed in red and blue who drove a car with a big telephone on theroof ! Dinos was bought out by Pizza Hut years and years ago, but if myparents are too tired to cook they sometimes suggest that we should "Diala Dinos". 

Drink Taps - there was lots to learn about drink tapsat school. Great care had to be taken choosing your tap. Some taps hada stronger flow than others. As a general rule, the ones on the ends wereusually the strongest. It was advisable not to drink out of the taps nearthe art building (kids stuck paint brushes up them). Also you had to lookout for taps which had sticks stuck in them or you got soaked.[RF] If youpressed a tap quickly on and off the pressure would cause a huge flow [TH].Drinking taps were good meeting places. You’d say stuff like, "I’ll meetyou at the taps". I used to wish the taps had better drinks in them. LikeCoke in one, Mello Yello in another and Strawberry Big M in the other (Bananawhen in season). [RF] My mum wouldn’t let me drink out of the taps becauseof germs. [CB] 

Drinks - RC Cola, Tab, Mello Yello, Leed, Tang, Squeeze,Slades, Loys, Primas, Patra, Fruitbox, Portello , Sunshine Pine, Passiona,Pub squash, Poppers...... 

The packaging of drinks went through some major changesin the eighties. When bottles changed from glass to plastic they marketedthe new 2 litre plastic bottle as an "easy goer". Ads showed the bottlesfalling off supermarket trolleys and not breaking ! They used to have apiece of black plastic around the bottom. They were excellent for makingterrariums out of. [KF] Fruit Boxes came had this promotion which had asticker on the front of the box. You peeled the sticker off and it saidyes or no. If it said yes you got a free Fruit Box. They were a huge craze. 

Icey Poles - Buffalo Bill, Rockets, Sunnyboys (Razz, SunnyCola, Sunny Lemonade, Sunny Lime). the Finger, Traffic Lights, Two-in-ones,Gaytime, Redskin Split, Barney Banana, the Shark (with blue stuff in it).Billibong, Blinkey Bill, Choc Blok....... 

The Buffalo Bill’s bubble gum nose was always frozen.You had to suck it for a while to soften it up. [RF] 

The ultimate stroke of luck was to get a "free" in yourfrozen. Sometimes you had to take the frozen out of its wrapper to getto the crunchy bit [CB] My gums sometimes used to bleed on my frozen. Itwas fun to see if you could bite and such your’ icey-pole into a straightedge.[RF] 

Ice-e’s - these were the first type of Slurpees. The texturewas a lot crunchier than Slurpees. They came in big red and blue cups.I can only remember the red flavour. You used to buy them in weird placeslike green grocers. 
  

Jam Donuts - the big trend was to have frozen jam donutsin your’ freezer. If you had a friend over to play you put them into theoven. The Jam was either to hot or semi-frozen. A friend of mine recentlyreturned from England where Jam donuts are still very popular. They callthem "jammy donuts" in England. 

Jiffies - these were popular around the same time whenleg warmers were big, Flashdance had just come out, and when kids tuckedtheir socks into their tracksuits. They were like a dress sock with vinylstitched to the bottom. I begged mum to let me wear them to school butI wasn’t allowed.[RF] You could also get slip on ballet style ones perfectfor wearing to callisthenics or jazz ballet. 

Kentucky Fried Chicken - just think, in a generationstime you will be able to impress your kids by telling them that KFC standsfor Kentucky Fried Chicken. The stores were much bigger in those days andthey looked like big ranches. The Colonel was also a lot more prominentin the promotion. (Last year I unsuccessfully lobbied for the framed pictureof the Colonel to be replaced at my local KFC store). I remember beingimpressed by this kid Chris Osborne who had a whole kitchen draw full ofKentucky refresher towels. 

Lunch Orders - These were placed on brown paper bags andsent to the milkbar across the road. I always ordered two sausage rolls,a chocolate-jam doughnut and a strawberry Big M ( Banana when in season).[RF]I always ordered 1 sausage roll, a chocolate doughnut and a chocolate BigM.[TH] The Smelly Kid used to get a lunch order EVERY day. 1 meat pie,1 sunnyboy, 1 Turkish Delight bar, 1 can of Coke. We couldn’t believe thatshe was allowed to have this kind of stuff f or lunch. A kid at my schoolused to bring a plastic bag with a plate and a spoon every week so he couldtake the top off his pie and eat the meat out. Also at my school we usedto have a "Fish and Chip" day where an order form got sent home and your’mum put the correct money in a brown paper bag. [JW] Munch and Crunch luncheswere pretty cool even though they were supposed to be healthy. They camein a little box with cellophane stuff on the top. The wholemeal pies wereace. [RF] 

Monitors - teachers appointed "monitors" to look aft erclassroom pets and sporting equipment and stuff. The best monitor was the"dust monitor" who got to go outside and belt the dusters with rulers toget out the dust. 

Music - the thing that crystallises the essence of 80’smusic is compilation albums. They don’t have any real compilation albumsany more. The ones that exist are either bastardised TV shows ("Video Hits"),made for TV Flogging deals ("Pure Soft Metal") or just plain crap and boring(Where’s the excitement in Hit Machine # 17 ?) In the eighties they hadgood cover art like naked ladies lying on the beach ( 1980 The Summer,and In the Sun 1982). Compilation albums gave crap bands with one goodsong a real stab at immortality. Would the Electric Pandas be fondly rememberedif they weren’t on Hits Huge ? Because kids could only afford one recorda year, they usually bought the one with the most hits and the best cover.The compos came up trumps here. 

Musical highlights of the 80’s: Uncanny X - Men, Kidsin the Kitchen, A - Ha, Men Without Hats (Safety Dance), Kajagoogoo, Eurogliders,Psuedo Echo, Devo, Wang Chung, Culture Club, Devo, Haircut 100, Duran Duran,Captain Sensible, Geisha, the Models, Real Life........ 

Needles - I remember when the girls had to have Rubellainjections. I was sitting in the art room and all the girls would comeback holding their arms with tears in their eyes or whingey looks. Theboys felt proud because they didn’t need one. They left cool scars on thegirls arms. [RF] 

Ollies Trollies - I’m not sure what the attraction ofeating roast chicken in a tram was but I sure did spend 

I lot of time nagging my mum to "take me to Ollies Trollies".I think there was a good Ollie’s Trollies jingle. Shirley Strawn used tobe in the ad. [RF] 

Pools - where bogans in footy shorts could be king fora day by doing mighty horsies off the three metre.[TH] There was so muchto do like lying on the hot concrete when you got out of the pool, lookingfor money on the bottom of the pool and wondering what the "no horseplayor heavy petting" sign meant. [RF] 

Puggles - little beanbags with whiskers. Girls kept themas pets. 

Quentin - Mike Willessee’s special little mate. Australia’scollective heart was warmed by this cheeky little brat. The ultimate insultin the playground was to be called a Quentin. The Smelly Kid bragged thatshe took Quentin on an outing to the water slides. (remember Quentin brokehis leg having a bath). 

Rap - Everyone was amazed because when you did the Moonwalkit "looks like you’re on rollerskates !" People bought instruction booksto learn moves like the Caterpillar, electric Shock, backspin, and helicopter.If you had a bit of lino in your’ house you had it made. Spurred alongby classic movies Breakdance, Beat Street and Electric Boogaloo. We hadthis compulsive liar at school nicknamed Potato who used to tell everyonehe went to rap school and they put him in a glass box to practice the "ice-house"move. 

Radio - the only cool station to listen to was 3XY. Thencame EON FM. The format and programming is virtually identical to the Foxand MMM today. (They had Rocktober) 

School scandals - My favourite was when vandals had drawnpenises on the school with random words like spoof and cum. After the holidayswe used to walk around the school looking for "vandalism". A couple oftimes condoms were found by kids. The cleaner was called to dispose ofthem. (not before the whole school had poked them with a stick). One kidamazed everyone by telling us about his mother’s vibrator. [RF] 

Safety House Zones - a great idea except for the factthat they were a perfect vehicle for paedophiles to attract kids into theirhouses. 

Sneakers - shoes were just as important to kids in theeighties but because we didn’t have Michael Jordon we based our choiceson more important considerations than pure aesthetics. Did the shoe haveValcro fasteners ? Was the shoe easily visible (ie. fluro colors) and mostimportantly did the shoe have good "grip". When a kid got a new pair hehad to lift his shoe up so everyone could look at the "grip". Some popularnumbers were Romes, Lightfoots, Crosby’s........ I always wanted Dunlopvolleys with green and gold trim.[RF] 

Showbags - the heading here should be Royal MelbourneShow, but we all know that show bags were the focus . The Hall of Justicewas the place to be. You had to choose carefully because you had your mumand dad imposed limit. Mine was two and I got the Samboy and Nestle (becauseI loved Crunch bars).[TH] 

I always wanted the chemist show bag because you got "$35value for $2.50. [RF] 

Other cool stuff about the show. The huge Big M thingwhen you went in the front gates. Thinking the Mad Mouse was the scariestride in the world. Buying gimmicks like the big blow up hammers. Gettingfree stuff like the farm showbag. 

Slip and Slides - never seemed to work very well unlessyou put heaps of washing-up liquid detergent on them. The grazes they gaveyou were wicked. Some kids made their own out of sheets of plastic. 

Soda Streams - everyone wanted a Soda Stream because youcould make "as much soft drink as you like". The eighties produced someamazing technology. 

Smelly Kids - unpopular, unattractive and smelt. The SmellyKid at our school was called Melissa. She had her own drink tap. If youaccidentally drank out of that tap then you "loved Meliss". A group ofboys formed a club called the Pal Pals whose main function was to provehow much they hated Mellissa. The leader of the Pals has used his leadershippowers to become a small time dope dealer and now junkie in prison. 

Swear Words - spoof, sprog, boobey bum, dick rash.......Ididn’t know what a condom was but I used to call kids condoms. I once calledmy sister a condom and my Mum was horrified. One of my mates went to thiskid’s birthday party and the kid’s mum washed his mouth out with soap andwater. (they were a weird family that didn’t have a TV.) 

Teachers Names - you changed teachers’ names into funnywords like Mrs Slattery became Mrs Flat battery or Mr Polltrock becameMr Polly Woffle. (they didn’t have to rhyme). 

Toilets - there was great mystery surrounding the girlstoilets because (apart from the cleaners room) this was the only placein the school you couldn’t go (if you were a boy). I eventually went inand had a look in about Grade 5 or 6. Some games involved dragging andpushing daggy kids into the "girls dunnycans". It was funny to tease prepswho had never used a urinal before because they dropped their pants downto their ankles when they took a piss. 

Telly - so many great shows, but some personal highlights: 

Curiosity Show - where Dean Hutton performed scientificexperiments and urged you to "try it out on your friends". Never did, butit was a good show. 

Early Bird Show - with Daryl and Marie and Marty Monster.I reckon nearly every kid in Victoria has a video tape of themselves onthe Early Bird Show. Girls did dance routines to Madonna songs. Boys wentin the BMX comp or the remote control car comp. Does anyone have one ofthose puff paint windcheaters with Marty Monster on the front ? 

Now You See It - the "game of vertical noughts and crosses".With that poofy looking host Mike and the crappy robot Melvin who tolda viewer’s joke each show. Does anyone have one of those Now You See itT-Shirts ? 

Catch-us-if-you-can - the theme song was the best bitof the show, but they had other cool stuff like bombing competitions intopools of custard and the bit at the end when the contestant was put intoa perspex box to catch money (with a silver lame suit ski goggles on) 

Leyland Brothers - in grade three Red the Clown visitedour school. His helper happened to be the camera man for the Leyland Brothers.At the end of the show someone found out and everyone lined up to get hisautograph. Travel all over the countryside. Ask the Leyland Brothers. Doesanyone have one of those pale blue Ask the Leylands T-Shirts? 

Ossie Ostrich Video Show - what a great idea. Cash inon a TV personality who doesn’t talk. Who could forget Brossy’s Boppersor that cute little Winkie Kink. 

Wonderworld - with Simon and Woodrow. (then they replacedWoodrow with a Cockatoo) My favourite bit was Dear Danny. Kids used towrite in with questions like "My room is really big and it gets messy allthe time. What should I do ?" signed Frustrated. And Danny used to respondby saying "well frustrated......." 

Edison Twins, Shirl’s Neighbourhood, Off the Dish, Sweetand Sour, Henderson Kids, The Goodies..... 

Vegemite Jars - if you rubbed off the sticker they madea great little glass. Perfect size for a glass of milk. Nannas’ housesare full of them. 

Working Bees - for some reason, the prospect of your parentsat your school was fun. The mums and dads shovelled tan bark all day andthe kids ran silly. At the end of the day you got to test out the new tanbark by purposely falling off the play equipment.