Not long ago I held "a party" as we all do, to share in the joy and rapture of just being alive. In align with correct party protocol, I, along with my multiple housemates, invited many with the sole intention of sharing such an emotion. We mostly knew the party entourage, those that were unknown were welcomed for being a friend of a friend of a friend from high school (the main word in use - "friend"). 

 At the conclusion of a very well enjoyed shindig, we discovered that all our tap fittings had been stolen - the shower taps, the basin taps, the bath taps - taps which had previously been taken for granted were stripped from our home. I’m not sure how much 

the tap is worth on the open market but regardless the tap thief had stolen something more than the taps - he’d taken the ease we had once experienced when we contemplated showering/bathing and washing our hands after the toilet.(important) 

We investigated the theft as much as our network would allow and narrowed the field decisively to one guy who had "acted suspiciously around your bathroom". Being fairly detective orientated we felt we had enough evidence to approach the friend of a friend of a friend to accuse him. Word obviously filtered back to the assailant who, pleading innocence, tried to organise somewhat of a rumble with the respective male member of our home. The male/heroic housemate although incensed, declined to fight for the honour of our home, thus letting our suspect walk free.  

At a more recent party, only those of fairly intimate standing were invited, close friends that all knew each other in some regard. The end of that night saw our toilet trashed - the seat upturned, the pipes leaking and the lid thing strewn to the other side of our bathroom. The party wasn’t wild - no one got out of control - but it seems that behind the bathroom door the madness of someone with a likeness to a party thief, lost control and spun into a frenzy, hiding in the only private place they could find.  

It seems the "party thief" is alive and will in sleepy Melbourne, my stories are, I’m sure, among many. The question remains though - is the party thief one guy that moves from party to party, or perhaps a collective underground band of ruthless thieves that tag team the Melbourne circuit. Either way none of us are safe. It seems by my last party encounter that I have a Party thief amongst my throng. Maybe you do too? Maybe inside all of us there is a party thief ? In any event we need to return Melbourne to the sleepy hollow of previous decades. One day parties will evoke only love - not thievery. Let us all work towards that day.