RETIREMENT IS FOR ME
I know its pretty sad to wish to
be old, but that’s what I wish for. I can’t wait for the day when I retire.
Because when you retire you’ve arrived. For your whole life you
work away trying to get somewhere. Generally speaking you’ve achieved everything
that you’re going to in your life. So once that pressure is off you can
just buy a caravan and enjoy yourself. Some people say that they like to
live for the day. Well, I like to live for tomorrow. What’s the point of
having a great life if you can’t look back on it with fond memories ? (If
you live for the moment you can only enjoy the good times once).
The early days of my retirement
will be full of travel adventures, golf and eating the most delicious food
I can while I’ve still got real teeth. I don’t wish for too much materially,
however there are a few things I’d like to own:
-
a proper espresso machine (I’d make
visitors big Cappuccinos with real full cream milk)
-
one of these huge toasting machines
they have in cafes - you know, the kind with the two big leavers you pull
down.
-
a separate fridge somewhere detached
from the house that I have full control of. The kind that keeps your beer
ice-cold and your icecream soft.
-
a Lazyboy. (But I dont want the kind
that lifts you up - no way, I want to have to struggle to get up. To have
the possibility enter my mind that I might never make it out of that chair).
I’m still not sure if I want
a caravan or not, but I think probably yes. My main fantasy would be to
stay with my wife at Motor Inns. The kind where you order breakfast the
night before on a little form and then they wake you up and push your eggs
and orange juice through a little hole in the wall. My wife could take
photos of me drinking different regional brands of flavoured milk at lunchtime.
About My Wife
I’m not sure what my wife is going
to look like or even what she’s going to be like. All I do know is that
I’ve got these three rules about my future wife which I won’t share here
(that would be like telling a kid there is no Father Christmas) Let’s just
say that no one has passed the test yet. [and they’re not things like "my
wife’s gotta have nice tits"]
I’ll spend mornings walking to the
bread shop and I’ll buy all the newspapers.
Imagine the size of my CD collection!
. If I continue to buy on average one CD per week, that’s 1 * 52 * 40 =
2800 odd ! I’ll have piles and piles of old magazines. I’ll reminisce about
those crazy days in the 2010’s. Oh, and best of all I’ll be able to read
this. I’ll laugh at my ridiculous romanticised notion of my predictions
or maybe I’ll be amazed at how much foresight I had at the age of 24. I’ll
read this word, and this word.
Spooky.
Life will get even better when I
move into a retirement village. They have roasts all the time and carpet
bowls and lots of soft eating deserts like custard. I’ll ask the nurses
about their boyfriends and I’ll be a cheeky old bugger. All my mates will
be in the same village and we’ll talk about the great times when we were
young. We’ll reminisce. We’ll boast about all the girls we shagged and
rue the ones that we should have shagged.
See that’s the great, comforting
thing about being old and retired. You don’t talk about the future. Because
you don’t have a future. You have arrived.
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