COULD IT BE HERE ?

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

George Bernard Shaw

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As contributed by P.K. Many thanks for the laughter.

To: Tech Support

Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all others system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but uninstall does not seem to work on this program. Can you help me?

Jonathan Powell

To: Mr. Powell

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than original system. (Look in

your manual under Warnings - Alimony / Child Support.) I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action will be to push apologize button then reset button

as soon as lockup occurs. System will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance... Enjoy!

Tech Support

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Ancient ? This proverb seems eternal !

Ancient Chinese proverb:

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.

The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

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An anecdote found on the Net that had us rolling with laughter :

A Claim to Fame

This is a true story:

Karen, a Midwestern housewife, took her first trip to Las Vegas a few years ago. She had done very well playing the slot machines and had won a bucket full of quarters. Karen needed a break and she left the casino and headed towards the elevators with her bucket.

She stepped into the elevator, but before the doors shut, four African-American men stepped on with her. Three of them were big, beefy men and one was slender and they were all clad in leather.

Karen (never having spent much time with African-Americans) clutched her bucket close to her chest.

One of the men said, "Hit the floor, lady," and she does - quarters fly everywhere! The men broke up laughing and they helped Karen collect her winnings. One of the men explained that he had meant for her to select her floor. They helped her collect her quarters and the elevator arrived at her floor.

She left embarrassed, and the men were still laughing. Later that evening, a dozen roses were delivered to Karen's room. There was a one hundred-dollar bill attached to each rose.

The note attached read: "Thank you for the best laugh I've had in years!"

"- Eddie Murphy-"

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